


Memories Lost

by Fenchurch87



Series: Tales of Kirkwall (and Beyond) [12]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Angst, Flashbacks, M/M, Memories, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:00:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21658657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fenchurch87/pseuds/Fenchurch87
Summary: Fenris's memories start to return when he spends the night with Leif Hawke. Content warning for past abuse.
Relationships: Fenris/Male Hawke
Series: Tales of Kirkwall (and Beyond) [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1086066
Kudos: 10





	Memories Lost

Is this what it feels like to be loved? Lying here, listening to Leif’s breathing, the other man’s arms are wrapped tightly around his waist, carefully placed so as not to touch the lyrium brands. Leif’s arms have slipped a little in his sleep, but there is no pain. He was right to think things would be different with him.

He feels as if he has seen a mask slip away to reveal the man who lies beneath, a man who he has only caught glimpses of until now. Bold, brash Leif Hawke whose tongue could be as sharp as the daggers he wielded had been nothing but gentle, patient, constantly asking if he was alright, if he was sure he wanted to do this.

He gives Leif one last glance before closing his eyes. As sleep slowly takes him, a strange feeling begins to build, a feeling that he has experienced this before in another place, another life.

*****

_ He is chasing his sister, their laughter echoing around the courtyard. _

“ _Leto! Varania!” Mother calls. “Come inside! It’s time for supper!”_

_ He sees the bruises on his mother’s wrists when she hands him his plate. “What happened?” he asks. _

“ _Nothing,” she says quickly, pulling her sleeves down to hide the marks. “It’s nothing.”_

*****

_ Master glares at him through his thick black eyebrows and gestures furiously at the spilled wine seeping into the carpet. “Clumsy, worthless rattus!” _

_ He feels the back of Master’s hand across his face and tastes the familiar metallic tang of blood in his mouth. _

*****

“ _Leto!” Ophelia is running towards him, her raven hair flowing behind her. “Here,” she says, placing something in his hands._

_ It is a belt. He traces a hand over the supple leather, admiring the tiny, intricate stitches. _

_ She casts her eyes downwards and peeks at him through her long lashes, suddenly shy. “I made it for you.”  _

“ _It’s beautiful,” he breathes._

“ _Happy birthday.” She stands on her tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek. He feels a flush creeping across his skin, and she giggles._

*****

_ He shouldn’t be here. Master will punish him severely if he catches him. Catches them. But he cannot keep away. One smile, one glimpse of her green eyes, and he is lost. _

_ She is waiting for him in the barn. There is no time for even a word of greeting before she pulls him close and touches his lips with her own. _

*****

_ Master is shouting again. _

“ _I’m sorry!” Ophelia sobs, her voice cracking over the words. “I’m so sorry!”_

“ _Stupid knife-eared slut!”_

_ A scream, a thump, and then a terrible silence. _

*****

He is crying when he opens his eyes, but he cannot remember why. Faces and names swirl in his mind, blurring together, fading until there is nothing left, just an overwhelming sense of lost love.

_Leif._ Slowly, the night’s events come back to him. He traces a fingertip across the other man's cheek, and Leif smiles slightly, still far away in his dreams.

_ I can’t. _

He slips out of Leif’s arms and dresses quickly in the faint light of dawn. As he fastens his belt, a woman with long black hair and enchanting green eyes drifts into focus. Her name is almost on the tip of his tongue, but a heartbeat later she is gone.

A final look back at the sleeping figure on the bed, and then he is creeping towards the door.

_ Forgive me. _


End file.
